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Forums » Archive » В свете улучшения качества работы с клиентами 
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Joined: 3/20/2007
Posts: 1
Posted on Tuesday, March 20, 2007 5:43:37 PM
 
Господа менеджеры!

В свете улучшения качества работы с клиентами и увеличения объёмов продаж, рекомендую к замене следующие речевые обороты:

1. “Какого х@йя тебе надо?” - “Что именно Вас интересует?”.

2. “Всякая поебень” - “Широкий ассортимент товаров”.

3. “Бля буду!” - “Фирма даёт гарантию”.

4. “Где тока таких мудаков берут?” - “Оставьте координаты вашей фирмы”.

5. “Засунь себе в …” - “Нуждается в доработке”.

6. “Отвечаю за 3.14дора!” - “Лично проконтролирую выполнение”.

7. “Я тебя в рот @бал!” - “В данный момент Ваше предложение нас не интересует”. 8. “Чё за нах?” - “В этом пункте допущена ошибка”.

9. “Вот же ж блядь какая!” - “Скажите, что Вы заканчивали?”.

10. “Х@й тебе в жопу!” - “Скидки не предусмотрены”.

11. “3.14дар штопаный” - “Клиент”.

11. “Овца @баная” - “Клиент”.

12. “Х@йло очкастое” - “Перспективный клиент”.

13. “Заебал уже” - “Что Вы ещё хотели бы узнать?”.

14. “там такое..х@й проссышь” - “Высокотехнологические разработки…”.

15. “Пошёл на х@й!” - “Обратитесь к моему коллеге..

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course
of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily
offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to
accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have
been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can
continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
Joined: 11/19/2005
Posts: 30460
Posted on Tuesday, March 20, 2007 5:51:33 PM
 
That's interesting. Жалко что скидки не предусмотрены.
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Nothing says "Obey Me" like a bloody head on a fence post!
Last edited by lady bastet on Tuesday, March 20, 2007 5:55:00 PM
 
Joined: 2/12/2007
Posts: 133
Posted on Tuesday, March 20, 2007 7:58:20 PM
 
Я у себя в офисе повесил. Спасиб. ПишЫ исчо :)
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Lautes Elektronisches Gerausch
Joined: 2/25/2006
Posts: 1205
Posted on Tuesday, March 20, 2007 8:42:10 PM
 
"Довожу до менеджеров младшего и среднего звеньев, что словосочетание "всякая хуйня" не в полной мере отображает набор товаров и услуг, предоставляемых нашей фирмой" (c)
Joined: 11/3/2006
Posts: 576
Posted on Tuesday, March 20, 2007 9:25:39 PM
 
)
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www.transmoney.ru
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