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Forums » Archive » Massholes vs Guidos vs Chav 
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Joined: 3/1/2002
Posts: 51165
Posted on Saturday, December 16, 2006 1:00:16 PM
BOSTON might be the worst city on earth. Boston sucks more than just about any other place on this planet, and its not because its cold there 10 months of the year. It’s not because the city is fucking boring and closes its bars at 2, even on weekends. Its not because the "T" (subway) closes down 15 minutes before the bars, thus encouraging drunk driving. Its not because the one strip club in the city doesn't even let the girls strip. Its not because of that horrid accent which sounds like nails scratching down a blackboard to the civilized ear. Its not because of asinine street layout, the fucking disastrous big dig, or even the city's provincial small-town mentality. No, Boston sucks for one major reason: MASSHOLES. Have you ever encountered a Masshole? If you have, you'll know what Im talking about. If you haven't yet had that misfortune, please feel free to peruse the proceeding text entitled 'LIVING WITH MASSHOLES- A BEGINNER'S GUIDE'.

A Beginner's Guide

HABITAT: Massholes generally hail from the suburban regions around Boston, such as Weymouth, Peabody (pron. Peebiddy), Waltham, Revere (pron. Reeveah), Revere Beach and whole host of other retarded sounding places. Sometimes, they are from more urban habitats such as South Boston ("Southie") and sometimes they are from more bucolic settings, like Worcester ("Wusstah"). Generally their range extends throughout Eastern Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and parts of Connecticut.

IDENTIFICATION AND MARKINGS: MASSHOLES respond to the names Murph, Sully, O'B, McGuvz, Towmmy, Bowbby, or Maahk. They are generally Irish-American (generations removed from the old country), although there are rumored to be other subspecies of Masshole lurking about. Massholes are easy to identify by sight due to their pale complexion, blue eyes, Red Sox hat, and freckles. In the summer time or when exposed to any sort of solar radiation above 2 on the UV index, Massholes display a characteristic bright red plumage all across their body. This plumage quickly evolves into masses of peeling skin, a condition which the Masshole calls "a wicked bahhd buurn". Stunningly original and individualistic, Massholes are interested in a diverse range of topics such as: The Boston Red Sox ("Sawks"), Boston Bruins, Boston Celtics, or the New England Patriots ("Pahhts"). Because their city is clearly a second-rate backwater, the one way the Masshole can possibly experience greatness is on the sports field, and thus insulting a Masshole's team is sort of like insulting his drunken whore of a mother.
BEHAVIOR PATTERNS: The MASSHOLE's prey is relatively easy to procure, and consists of a water, hops, yeast, and alcohol mixture called "beeah"(Icehouse is the preferred prey). The Masshole typically consumes somewhere between 10 and 25 "beaahs" untill it reaches a state of euphoria called "fackin' hammmahed". Once "fackin' hammahed", the Masshole will search for the two other things essential to it's life cycle: a sporting event to watch (preferably the Sawks) and a fist fight. Please note that although Massholes prefer to fist fight outsiders, inter-Masshole fist fights are also very common. Above: An adult Masshole. Even when removed from their natural habitat for years on end (this specimen has nested in Hollywood, California), Massholes are still easily recognizable to the untrained eye.
1) The best way to deal with a Masshole is to ignore it.
2) If persistent or aggressive, a Masshole can usually be frightened off by a black person.
3) Another effective way to deal with the Masshole is to separate it from its pride. Massholes are pack animals, and thus become shockingly timid when few in number and isolated.
4) The fourth option is to wait until the Masshole drinks itself into a stupor and passes out.
5) The final option is to kick the fucking shit out of the drunk Masshole, although this may result in imprisonment. If you choose option 5, make sure you are not in the Boston area because the arresting police officers will certainly be major Massholes themselves and will naturally protect their own species.
LONG TERM PROGNOSIS: Unfortunately, Massholes look to be with us for the foreseeable future. Although the nuclear destruction of their habitat (Boston) is a tempting option, it would be prohibitively costly and would have disastrous environmental impacts. A less costly way to deal with Massholes is to make sure the Red Sox and the Patriots do not make the playoffs. A collapse in the fortunes of one such team forces the Masshole into a state of depression bordering on suicide; if both collapse maybe Masshole-kind will finally take a razor blade to its wrists and do the rest of America a favor.
CONCLUSION: In truth, there is nothing worse on earth than a Masshole. Just how a small, irrelevant town such as Boston produces so many Massholes remains one of the great mysteries of the natural world. Although the problem of Masshole infestation is not likely to be remedied by modern science any time soon, careful adherence to the 5 anti-Masshole tactics can go a long way towards mitigating the problem. When dealing with the Masshole, always remember: the root of the Masshole's aggressive behavior is its own inherent weakness and feeling of inadequacy. Boston will always be a second-rate city on the world stage, so the proper way to deal with the Masshole is to dismiss it much like its silly little town. As the noble Roman Cato the Elder once said over 2000 years ago, "MASSHOLES DELENDA EST", and how appropriate that statement is, even today!

Chavs: Hoodies, Neds, Townies, Kevs, Charvers, Steeks, Spides, Bazzas, Yarcos, Ratboys, Skangers, Scutters, Janners, Stigs, Scallies, Hood Rats, whatever you know them as, this site is about them, Britain's peasant underclass that are taking over our towns and cities!

A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.

WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.

NATURAL HABITAT: Known to frequent Tri-State area malls looking for club gear to waste their week's pay on (most likely spotted shopping at "Bang Bang" in Staten Island). During the day when not at their food delivery, telemarketting, or construction job, can be located at their local gym tanning or lifting weights. Can be found nightly at mainstream danceclubs they read about online (SF, Webster Hall, Etc.). Most notable for cruising the Jersey shore in an old car (Honda, Mustang, etc.) which has been tinted, painted and sports $1,000-$3,000 rims in a feeble attempt to look like new. Guido cars usually have a boomin' system through which cheesy music like freestyle, commercial club/trance and hip-hop (anything KTU plays) is loudly blasted.

GENETIC LINKS: Directly related to modern day urban-guidos, A.K.A. "wiggers," A.K.A. "wegros;" urban-guidos are white males who once exhibited the traits referenced above, but have now instead opted to keep it unreal, with wardrobes consisting of clothes from labels like FUBU and Rocawear which they bought on sale at Macy's. These individuals still listen to the same music and drive the same type of car as their predecessor; it is usually just their choice of attire and use of slang and poor speech skills that differentiate them from the classic guido. Most guidos are distrusting of non-whites despite the fact some of their attire and music can be traced to non-white origins.

PASSTIMES/RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES: Guidos enjoy beating up a non-white or homosexual while assisted by a group of 5-10 guido friends backing them up; engaging in date rape; and displaying their lack of rhythm by dancing poorly in the middle of a club's dance floor while non-guidos look on in disbelief.

If you know a Mike, Joe, Rob or Tony, he's probably a guido.

The Guido is an entirely American phenomena, with its epicenter in the New York/ New Jersey metropolitan area. Although most of its examples are of Italian-American descent, manytimes other non-descript Caucasians will follow suit in an attempt to achieve an identity- in fact any identity. The Guido is highly recognizable by his attention to muscular development, status symbols, and regional dialect. Guidos are fortunate in that they usually tend to be loyal to their heritage and cultures. However, their interpretation of the Italian culture is unique to Americans. They fall sorrily short when attempting to emulate the sophistication of European-born men. In fact, their shortcomings include a tendency toward alcoholism, legal problems (usually related to assault, reckless driving, noise violations), and an inability to compete in legimate business. Fortunately for them, they usually live an exciting, care-free existance. They are easily satiated by tacky mall attire, drunken nights with similar-minded women, and nightclubbing in the lesser desired beach towns such as Seaside Heights, New Jersey. In the end, although they maintain a unique sense of identity and pride, their superficial lives often leave them empty. The tolls of excessive grooming products, STDs, and alcohol abuse age these specimens quite poorly. The time spent in fitness clubs is usually far offset by their lifestyle choices.
Joined: 3/1/2002
Posts: 51165
Posted on Saturday, December 16, 2006 1:02:29 PM

"Although he spends all his time in the gym and dancing in the clubs, that Guido will soon be a burned out alcoholic working a thankless job, living alone in his one-bedroom apartment in North Jersey"

An adolescent or young-adult American male of Italian ancestry or descent; esp. one of lower-middle-class socioeconomic background or status and thought of as being dim-witted, excessively aggressive, and prejudiced against perceived outsiders, particularly homosexuals and members of other races.

The Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn is widely regarded by the rest of New York City as a "Guido" stronghold.
Joined: 3/1/2002
Posts: 51165
Posted on Saturday, December 16, 2006 1:03:36 PM
NO and I repeat NO Guido would EVER EVER wear the $hit these kids wear today.

Ultra baggy jogging suits by Sean Jean, Roccawear and FUBU? (ESPECIALLY FUBU which Stands for "FOR US BY US" a black company, aimed at marketing to the black community,..HELLO,...They dont WANT us buying it and wearing it, and some ignorant wannabes keep buying them!) Were Italians,..not "wiggers" smarten up! In the 80's we wore Sergio T and Fila Jogging suits,..Now we wear $300 Genellis and Alan Stuarts.

And The hats,..whats with the hats? Baseball hats tilted to the side? Another Wigger thing! Gimmie a Fu&king break! Guidos spend too much time on their hair to cover it with a gay "Von Dutch" hat. If your gonna wear a hat,..wear it normally,..have some class.

Yes, we still swear gold chains, bracelets, pinky rings and watches. We dont wear our chains over our shirts,..we havent done that since the 80's! Yes its YELLOW gold, not white and we dont wear TRENDY platenium. Thats a fad,..Yellow gold is classy and timeless. Wearing platenium chains with giant crosses and other charms is stupid,..Dont do it

In a few years,..when you look back at pics of yourselves,...with your crooked hat,..wigger clothes and jumbo chains you'll embarassed by that $hit. And you should be! Wannabe!

The Gotti Kids?,...Wiggers,...NOT Guidos.
Joined: 3/1/2002
Posts: 51165
Posted on Saturday, December 16, 2006 1:05:29 PM
Guidos today give the whole Italian culture a bad name. Gelled up blow outs, shirts extra small - bout the size my 8 year old niece would wear. Stupid sunglasses worn day and night. Usually all second generation Italians, and either don't speak of word of the language, or have learned just enough to enforce their guido image. Dark hair, waxed eyebrows, fake tans, lots of tacky jewlery. The modern day guido has usually never worked a day in their life (considered among guidos as an on going accomplishment) which leaves themselves babied by mama and papa. Thats right, no matter whos birthday it was for the BMW is still DADDY's bitch! Which brings up another point, Guidos drive BMW's Italians drive Cadillacs assholes. And even realer italians drive fiats and alfo romeos.
The guido doesnt care what his appearance really is, with a gut, skinny arms, a tight track suit and sandals he will still think he is the shit.
Every guido ive seen wears some form of womens facial make-up. Often when the guido does not have a desirable pigment to their eyes they will buy colored contacts.
The guido takes pictures of himself in poses that he wants to seem candid, often these pictures are numerous and the guido selects the 1 of 100 pics to put on his myspace page, which is littered with images of italian flags and the colors red white and green.
The common guido cannot tell you how old the Pope is, or who the leader of italy is. In fact, they probably dont even realize that when they call their father, they are saying the title "POPE" in Italian - (Pope = "papa" in italian, Dad/father = "papa" only pronounced with a sharp accent on the second P)
When guidos claim they beat someone up it is almost always a load of crap. Guidos are pussies. If they have beat someone up then they rallied up their 10-15 other guido friends and all jumped the kid. When guidos are alone they are pussies. I have beaten up 3 so far and will continue as i see fit. The 3 guidos ive beaten up, i have also humiliated them while they were crawling on the ground, messing up their hair, kicking them in the ass, and spitting on them.

Guidos are given there italian names at birth, often during childhood the guido resents this name because he does not fit in, often wanting to be referred to as pete instead of pasquale, or Fred instead of Alfredo, or Frank instead of Francesco. As the guido movement became more popular these same kids put use to their names, making themselves more italian.

My names Raffaele, ive been called Ralphie since forever. I never started correcting people and informing my birth name when i turned 16 you homos.

Real italians look down on the whole guido thing. Real Italians work hard and care about their families. Guidos dont work and hit up their parents for cash. This guido look, its all wigger shit.

Im 100% Italian but im not walking around like an asshole, Im Napolitan and Calabrese if you guidos know what that is, but way before that i'm an american, thats the flag i fly in front of my home, thats the country i live in.

Go take your crap to italy and see how you fit in.

"yo yo yo Mario!!! Whas good we hittin up dem clubs tonight?"
"Nahh yo, my dad took away my Bimma yo, he sayin i put too much mileage on it last week."
"Damn, i feel for you. You wanna hit up the italian club on 25th?"
"Nahh we got kicked out last time by dat guido "
"oh yah, aiight then, ill catch you on the flip side playboy"
"Ciao playa"
Joined: 12/2/2006
Posts: 485
Posted on Saturday, December 16, 2006 1:08:19 PM
не дождалсо про шавов, пришлось самому посмотреть

chav 2767 up, 443 down

Derived from Chatham in Kent, this term can be applied loosely to every culture with a nasty, thieving element. There are many variants of this creature but all are subject to the following commonalities:

Chavs are completely Amoral, having never been subjected to right and wrong by their inattentive, uncaring and often absent parents.

Chavs are part Magpie, evidentially supported by their love of all things shiny, or as vaccuous, illiterate street-slang would say 'Bling'. They can be seen twokking from the Jewelry counter in Argos/Index.

Whatever their ethnic background, Chavs have a built-in affinity to hip-hop/R&B, even if they are inherently racist (see the Scottish). They see their life as glamorous and cool.

Chavs are for the most part, extremely stupid. However, some of them render a form of low cunning, which can be misinterpreted as intelligence. However this is false. A Chav has no desire to better themself through honest means nor learn anything outside of car modification.

All chavs think that they are nails. Again, this is false. Sitting in a beaten up nova smoking lamberts does not precipitate a healthy body. The irony being that a Chav owns mainly sportswear, yet will only break a sweat if running from the police.

Chavs are incredibly fertile beasts, and are highly successful breeders. Where they come unstuck is having to look after the offspring which their 13 yr old drunken fumble produces. More often that not the child will crow to be a Chav, having received no more guidance on life than the parent.

Chavs have a fond love for cars, as well as a Vin Diesel fixation. Rather than buy a nice car to start with, a chav will spend all their dole and tax-free labouring cash on upgrading a 10 year old car with 200,000 miles on the clock. The end product will invariably be a luminous monstrosity with at least one serious collision to it's name.

Come back with my bumper, you fucking Chav thief.
Joined: 3/1/2002
Posts: 51165
Posted on Saturday, December 16, 2006 1:12:30 PM
Joined: 12/30/2004
Posts: 20591
Posted on Saturday, December 16, 2006 2:13:46 PM
тихо сам с собою я веду беседу (с) :)
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