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Joined: 10/16/2001
Posts: 2532
Posted on Sunday, June 16, 2002 5:15:00 PM
 
Ok guys as a boyfriend of Ma/\bIIII and being in a sense the cause of the discussion I have to write few words here.
First of all Svin I like what you saying and its a shame that your insightful posts were not appreciated or understood.
Yes there is a conflict - for a women relationship is a center of everything while for a man its just a part of life, even though very important. No man can be without a women. And it becomes very difficult when you value your parthner very much and therefore try to avoid the conflict. There is even bigger conflict which arises from the fact that everybody have unique map of the world. Priorities in life dinamically change and even for a same person no person of other sex will hold the same place on his map. Complete syncronization of views on life is not possible even for two people of the same sex and of course man and women are essentially different. Additional aspect is that emotions can cloud the judgement and make the truth be simply what you want to beleive. Now I'm going into my favorite direction which is to talk about the primacy of emotions. The challenge is however is how not to have a conflict. The challenge is to make yourself understood. Understood to the point that your point of view becomes acceptable to your parthner. After all we need each other.
Joined: 5/12/2002
Posts: 23
Posted on Sunday, June 16, 2002 5:33:00 PM
 
Hm......that's an interesting question. For me, it's different in every relationship. What I mean is that most of the relationships that I had in the past weren't that serious, so I liked being by myself or with my friends more than now. Even though, I missed being with my b/fs during that time, I didn't feel like being with them every single day (note: when I say b/fs, I mean one in every relationship :)
Sure, I missed them and looked forward to seeing them, but when you don't have deep feelings for someone, you don't have a strong need to see them all the time. Since, I am a very independent person, taking time to enjoy things that I like doing is very important to me. But, at the same time, if I have a strong connection with a person and have deep feelings for him, it's very important for me to know that he feels the same way about me and since I put 100% in a relationship, I need to know that he will do the same. That's why (just like you, Malysh), I appreciate all the little gestures from my guy, because I know I will do the same, just to let him to know that I am thinking about him.
I do agree with you, when you say that guys value freedom more then girls do. But not everyone are like that. For example, one of my ex boyfriends couldn't live without me (his words, not mine), he didn't want to be apart from me even for a single day. Well, there is nothing wrong with that if a person has deep feelings for someone, I guess it's natural to want to be with that person all the time. But for me, even if I find that someone, who will take my breath away :) I'll still appreciate the time when I can be by myself.
Joined: 10/16/2001
Posts: 2532
Posted on Sunday, June 16, 2002 5:56:00 PM
 
Nastya thanks for sharing :)
Joined: 5/12/2002
Posts: 23
Posted on Sunday, June 16, 2002 7:09:00 PM
 
Hamlet, no problem :)
Joined: 9/15/2001
Posts: 9681
Posted on Sunday, June 16, 2002 7:18:00 PM
 
Ой блин, как романтично, я аж слезу пропустил, настя ты молодец, оставатся такой открытой и прямолинейной ( не сочти это слово за наезд, это наоборот хорошо, когда человек нечего не скрывает ) к нам, форумщикам, можно сказать людям которых соверщенно не знаешь, это супер. Это показывает открытость души человека, так всё изложить. Молодец.

Я жду ещё рассказов от других форумщиков, так интересно читать о том какие влюбчевый люди, о том как они готовы жертвовать вся и всё, идти на компромиссы, что любовь это что-то магическое, призрачное, таинственное и доброе бля.




Нас мало, но мы в тельняшках.
Joined: 6/19/2001
Posts: 5468
Posted on Sunday, June 16, 2002 7:38:00 PM
 




Edited by - Ma/\bIIII on 6/16/2002 8:06:07 PM
Joined: 5/12/2002
Posts: 23
Posted on Sunday, June 16, 2002 7:55:00 PM
 
Severnyi, everything I said is the truth, that's how I feel in respect to how much freedom I want from the relationship.

Malysh, once again, I have to agree with what you said in your last post. It does all depend on how much in love you are with a person. I remember in one of my previous relationship, every wednesday, I would sit in my University's library during my lunch break and read a magazine. But I couldn't concentrate on what I was reading, because I was thinking about meeting my sweetie (at that time) that evening. It was like a tradition, where almost every wednesday, I would sit on the same couch near the same window in the library, flip through some magazines, not even paying attention to what I was reading. I couldn't wait for the evening to come, that's how much I was looking forward to our date that evening. So, being with that person was more important to me than being by myself. So, as you can see, it all depends on how strong your feelings are towards your partner.
Joined: 6/19/2001
Posts: 5468
Posted on Sunday, June 16, 2002 8:14:00 PM
 
Nastya, spasibo.

Vot pogovarili, reshila steret.....khotya ti napisala samoye glavnoye to chto ya imela v vidu. Tut deystvitelno ne delo v tom kakiye roli u muzhschin i zhenschin.....Tut delo v lubvi.....

If you love somebody you feel like it is never enough of him/her.....no matter what your gender is.
Joined: 5/10/2002
Posts: 114
Posted on Sunday, June 16, 2002 10:24:00 PM
 
If a person wants to be with you every day, it not necessarily means that he or she loves you. Some people want to be with you out of loneliness, not out of love.
Joined: 3/15/2002
Posts: 508
Posted on Monday, June 17, 2002 12:12:00 AM
 
Если человек не хочет с тобой быть все время, или ты не хочешь его видеть каждый день - значит с любовью здесь б-а-а-альшие проблемы.

И еще, если хочется обуждать свои отношения с посторонними людьми, значит в отношениях все очень негладко и они скорее всего уже дышат на ладан.

А вообще, чем больше анализируешь поведение партнера, выясняешь отношения, и высказываешь ему свои сомнения о нем(ней), тем больше шансов погубить зарождение любви на корню. Недосказанность(**), общение на интуитивном уровне позволяет поддерживать иллюзии взаимопонимания и каждый немного фантазирует , и имея перед собой реального человека , любит другого - немного идеализированного и чуть-чуть придуманного.

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(**)Кто-то из девних еше ведь говорил ( да простят меня знатоки торонтовки за искажение мысли, я точно не помню) "Любая истина выраженная в словах превращается в ложь"

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