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Joined: 6/19/2001
Posts: 5468
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 9:23:00 AM
 
As human beings we balance between our need to be free individuals and the need to connect.

It is rather a private question, but I wonder if in your relationships you find this perfect balance of retaining and giving each other freedom (space) and find time to connect and transcend the borders of separateness.

Somehow in my relationships I could never find this balance, because by nature I am very “relationship oriented person” and I feel that if I put so much effort into relationship then my partner should do the same thing. Call me, write to me, bring me flowers etc, or at least think about me and I would feel it.

They say with men it is not how it works; men are not needy of “relationship” as women are. I do understand that, but somehow I don’t comprehend it completely. I mean I have a lot of interests and I am not depended on my man all that much, I am fine being my myself, but the point of relationship is in building friendship and wanting to spend time together and share lives.

My man says he misses me more when we take a few days off, but for me…it makes me sad and then angry, because I can’t really do much about it.

For the men here: do you find that women want too much from you, they want too much of your time?
For the women: do you understand what I am saying? How do you deal with it.
Joined: 3/5/2002
Posts: 19784
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 12:57:00 PM
 
Some men will never be able to meet the needs of their women. They don't understand how women think and have never been required to "give" to anyone. Those who are in relations to these unromantic and noncommunicative men must decide what is reasonable to expect and how they can forge a meaningful life together. Or they can seek for early break.

Girls! You can attempt to show him, without nagging or becoming angry, how you are different from him and what your unique needs are. Work to change that which can be improved in your relationship, explain that which can be understood, resolve that which can be settled, and negotiate that which is open to compromise. Create the best relation possible from the raw materials brought by two imperfect human beings with two distinctly unique personalities. But for all the rough edges that can never be smoothed and the faults that can never be eradicated, try to develop the best possible outlook and determine to accept reality exactly as it is. The first principle of mental health is to accept that which cannot be changed. You could easily descend into depression over the circumstances in your life. But you can also choose to hang tough and be contented in spite of them. The operative word is choose.

Can you accept your b/f just as he is? Seldom does one human being satisfy every longing and hope in the breast of another. Obviously, this coin has two sides: You can't be his perfect woman, either. He is no more equipped to resolve your entire package of emotional needs than you are to become his sexual dream machine every twenty-four hours. Both partners have to settle for human foibles and faults and irritability and fatigue and occasional nighttime "headaches." A good relation is not one where perfection reigns: It is a relationship where a healthy perspective overlooks a multitude of "unresolvables."


LONG LIVE ROCK-N-ROLL!
Joined: 1/11/2002
Posts: 398
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 1:24:00 PM
 
As a matter of a fact, the main problem in itimate relations is that quiet ugly desire for the compete ownership of the person, usually required by women. They call it commitment.
Whatever is goin on in relations , sooner or later this question will rise, it's just the top of what every woman wants from her man. But they(women) also want all the additions to this commitment like friendship, romance, and more, and more, and more.And when it comes to this commitment it immediately kills all romantic intentions. Men will think:"My freedom is taken away, and thats enough for her, and she's gotta be satisfied by having me at her possession". My own experience gives me really good example of unlimited wants of women. Question what women want is just inadequate to the answer: they want anything, everything, whatever, their wants never finish, and whatever they have they'll never be satisfied, they will always want more. Their appetite is enormous, and from men's poin of view absolutely inadequate to mens wants and,as well to what women give away.
Joined: 5/10/2002
Posts: 360
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 1:34:00 PM
 
Малыш и Флай:

"Где там переписка Энгельса с, как его, Каутским?
В печку его!"
Joined: 3/5/2002
Posts: 19784
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 1:37:00 PM
 
МАЛыШ! НАС ПОДСТАВИЛИ! :))

LONG LIVE ROCK-N-ROLL!
Joined: 6/19/2001
Posts: 5468
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 2:24:00 PM
 
Thanx to those who answered.
Metal Fly, I agree about everything you said....after all it is common sense. Disagreements arise in the first place because partners have different expectations of each other and relationship in general. However, the reason they are attracted to each other is because they have something in common which is reflected on one another... it was not by chance that I am dealing with the issues I deal right now.

Svin, you are not completely right, in our relationship it is actually my man who does not feel secure with me and it is me who wants more emotional and physical affection from him.

Metal Fly, I was thinking about acceptance today too. I know that I have to compromise on intimacy with a Saggitarius...partially the reason why we were attracted initially is that he teaches me indirectly to be more independent.....nevertheless it sucks.

Svin, ever wondered WHY women need more?

Joined: 5/27/2002
Posts: 155
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 2:39:00 PM
 
А вы когда-нибыдь задумвались сколько существуют возможных вариантов взаимоотношений?
А соответственно и возможных партнеров? С одним у тебя одни отношения...с другим другие...
А вдруг ты не с тем с кем нужно? И не знаешь это? (это риторический впр)
Даже страшно как все опирается на случай. И взаимоотношения и любовь и счастье...
Joined: 6/19/2001
Posts: 5468
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 2:43:00 PM
 
Ya ne veru v sluchaynosti....ya veru (potomu chto vizhu) v prichini i sledstviya.
Joined: 5/27/2002
Posts: 155
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 2:45:00 PM
 
Малыш, у случаев и случайностей тоже есть причины и следствия..
Joined: 6/19/2001
Posts: 5468
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 2:52:00 PM
 
U sluchayev da, no ne u sluchaynostey. (samo ponyatiye sluchayenost - coincidence, podrazumevayet po soboy sovpadeniye....bez prichini)

Joined: 5/27/2002
Posts: 155
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 2:55:00 PM
 
Причина может возникнуть потом, как последствие..случая, в которм виновата случайность:)
Joined: 6/19/2001
Posts: 5468
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 3:06:00 PM
 
Katenka, eto tolko esli schiatat chto sluchaynosti suschestvuyut.....(tobesh sluchaii bez prichin)

Joined: 5/30/2002
Posts: 44
Posted on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 3:10:00 PM
 
We shouldn't generalize - women need more? HA! My guy complains that I don't spend enough time with him, don't provide enough attention.
I can understand guys completly - you work long hours, you'd like to spend some time by yourself or with your friends, and you try to spend as much time as you can with your significant other, but for some reason it is never good enough. Just because I don't call 100 times a day doesn't mean I don't care about my guy. I don't know why girls and some guys need this constant reassurance that their significant other cares about them. Maybe it is a lack of confidence in the relationship and in oneself. Maybe it is a constant struggle for power in a relationship - he calls all the time, he needs me more than I need him, so I have an upper hand, life is great. Maybe we are just different people, with different needs, in which case - accept it, you can't change a person. And if you can't accept it, move on.
If this is too harsh, my appologies, sensitive subjec :)
Joined: 4/6/2002
Posts: 2091
Posted on Thursday, June 13, 2002 2:19:00 AM
 
Ma/\bIIII:
People do get sick/tired of each other ... they need there own space ... obviously, some people need more, some less ...as well as, we tend to spend more time with each other in the beginning, but then they slow down ... It's normal!!!

As for me I need a lot of space ... seeing a guy once or twice a week is just fine, seeing him every day or even every other day drives me mad ... I recall one of my ex-bfs, who wanted to see me every day even after a couple of months of dating (not mentioning that he wanted to know everything about my day, where I was and with whom, what was I doing there, therefore he called me numerous times a day, besides seeing me during the evening time) ... he drove me nut, cause I felt trapped!!!

Baby Tiger

Послушай тишину когда сидишь одна и может быть поймешь, зачем ты здесь нужна…

Edited by - BabyTiger on 6/13/2002 2:22:35 AM
Joined: 1/11/2002
Posts: 398
Posted on Thursday, June 13, 2002 10:28:00 AM
 
Mashulya! nu i chem je ya ne prav? That exactly what I was talking about! The thing that you're calling "relationship" as you want it, is the actual loss of freedom for men. Men just need some space for their own and that's it, and you gotta live with it either you want it or not. At the point the man looses his freedom, his own space, he starts to seek something else, cause something is missing.
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