Форум Торонто - Torontovka.com
[Search] [Rules] [Register] [Login]
Forums » Archive » MEN STRIKE BACK! 
Page: [1]
Author Message
Joined: 4/23/2004
Posts: 53
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 9:04:00 AM
 
MEN STRIKE BACK!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God cre ated Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
to the select few women who can handle the truth
Joined: 1/30/2003
Posts: 22206
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 9:17:00 AM
 
И создал бог Адама и поселил его в раю...

Но через несколько дней Адам взмолился: О господи!!! мне скучно!!! и бог сказал: "Хорошо, я создам тебе женщину. Она будет умной и красивой, хорошим другом и опорой во всех твоих начинаниях. Она будет дополнять тебя во всех отношениях, будет любить тебя и уважать, будет верной и умелой женой, будет готовить тебе еду и внимать твоим словам. Рожать и воспитывать твоих детей и ухаживать за тобой, когда ты устанешь...

- О боже, это звучит как сказка!!!

- Но это будет тебе, Адам, соответственно стоить, сказал бог. Я заберу утебя одну ногу, одну руку, один глаз одно ухо и одно ребро...

- Хмммм, а что я буду иметь за одно ребро?
Joined: 3/17/2003
Posts: 16925
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 9:22:00 AM
 
What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why is it called PMS? -- Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


--
Romka, NPSEntertainment
Joined: 4/27/2004
Posts: 1232
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 9:24:00 AM
 
ееехххх, фу, Evil Raccoon, где ты находишь такую гадость

--
Joined: 4/30/2004
Posts: 10000
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 9:25:00 AM
 
ER :))))
Joined: 3/17/2003
Posts: 16925
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 9:50:00 AM
 
Tongue Twister
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye.

He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"

So the guy tells him: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh." "She socked me one."

The first guy responded, "Mine was a tongue twister too."
"I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy bitch.''
Joined: 3/17/2003
Posts: 16925
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 9:59:00 AM
 
The Rules

The female always makes the rules.


The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.


No male can possibly know all the rules.


If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all the rules.


The female is never wrong.


If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.


If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.


The female can change her mind at any given point in time for any reason.


The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.


The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.


The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.


The female must not, under any circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.


Any attempt by the male to document these rules could result in severe bodily harm.


If the female has PMS, all rules are null and void

Joined: 6/18/2004
Posts: 387
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 10:29:00 AM
 
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Vot s etim ya to4no soglashys'
Joined: 4/27/2004
Posts: 1232
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 11:02:00 AM
 
Kostik aka KocMoc, ето тупость, ну уж если мозгов нет, то да конечно, ничего другого не остаётся

--
Joined: 6/28/2004
Posts: 145
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 11:04:00 AM
 
Evil Raccoon Posted - 9 July 2004 9:22 x
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

никто не помнит кино про голливуд где про дефок говрили MAW
model actress whatever

сильно сказано


Joined: 3/17/2003
Posts: 16925
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 11:06:00 AM
 
MeanGirl : не принимай так близко к сердцу..
Joined: 6/18/2004
Posts: 387
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 11:06:00 AM
 
MeanGirl, y kogo imenno mozgov net?
Joined: 4/30/2004
Posts: 309
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 4:04:00 PM
 
Ну както в пятницу решил мужик пойти в бар.Говорит жене что идет в бар попить водки.На что жена говорит мол зачем в бар сходи в магазин купи водки да выпей дома все дешевле.Он подумал и согласился,потом все таки передумал мол нет пойду все же в бар куплю водки и стриптиз посмотрю.Жена опять зачем сходи в магазин купи водки,а стриптиз я тебе дома сама станцую,все дешевле.Короче уговорила,сходил купил водку пришел домой налил себе водки жена перед ним стриптиз начала танцевать.Станцевала и спрашивает у мужа-"ну как?",а муж подумав немного говоти-"мол что сказать дешевка она и есть дешевка".
Joined: 4/27/2004
Posts: 1232
Posted on Friday, July 9, 2004 4:12:00 PM
 
Kosmos, ну вот видишь :) и я о том же...

Евил: хихи, у меня вместо сердца - пламенный мотор :))))))

--
Page: [1]
Forums » Archive » MEN STRIKE BACK! 
Copyright © 2020 Torontovka.com, All rights reserved